The Answers Lie Within

When a friend, colleague or family member confides in us that they are struggling to make a decision, they feel stuck, or they do not understand a situation, relationship dynamic or the way they feel, we often judge the situation and think we know the answers. We give advice feeling sure that what we are recommending is the right thing to do and will achieve the desired results for the person who is struggling.

However, we do not know what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes, what they are really thinking, really feeling and what is best for them. Even though we struggle to do the right thing and make the right choice, we are the best judges and authors of our own lives. We can all benefit from knowledge acquired from others and the world around us, but the answers lie within us and we are best served when we are directed towards tapping into our own inner wisdom and we often need someone to support and guide us, so we can tap into our inner resources and take steps to make the necessary changes.

We know ourselves and our lives better than anyone and as coaches we do our clients the best service when we support them to realise that the answers they have been looking for are within themselves, and that they have the power to think differently, gain new insights, and facilitate the changes they may need to make in order to reach their goals. Effective coaches do not advise, lead, or think they know what’s best for people. As pioneer coach, John Whitmore said: “Coaching is unlocking people’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is more often helping someone to learn rather than teaching them”. There are many different ways of coaching, but facilitating long-lasting change and growth requires empowering someone to them to come to their own understanding and make their own changes rather than leading, advising or directing them. The style of coaching that gets results is that which empowers people to find their own light, their own power, their own way.

Finally, and just as importantly, we often do not realise the impact we can have on each other as humans, and how we can be changed by an encounter with one another, either in a small way or a profound way. As psychoanalyst and psychiatrist, Carl Jung said: “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed”. We know about chemistry; between us and our friends, our partners, our family. We know what it is like to gel with someone, when someone feels right for us and when we feel good in their company. Coaching can sometimes create transformation from the coming together of two people, the chemistry, the safe space, the understanding.

How can we find the answers that lie within ourselves?

Article Written by:
Cheryl Aalit
Transformative Coach